Christmas was thrown into chaos yesterday as Santa Claus defied British children by confirming that his 2016 delivery would still go ahead despite 52% of kids being placed on the naughty list.
His decision has aroused the wrath of the right-wing media who had been complaining for a long time about why we were accepting a foreigner breaking in to Brits’ houses in order to leave their children presents. It comes despite warnings from the childrens’ parents that naughtiness would result in no presents this year- causing leading naughty children to proclaim that children in this country had had “quite enough of grown-ups” before complaints that Newsround was biased towards the nice side in the run-up to December. Liza Mzimba was unavailable for comment.
The surprise findings from the list had further complicated the position in Scotland where Scottish children have long argued that their kind of niceness is a superior niceness to English niceness and that they should therefore be evaluated for niceness separately from English children, but the confirmation of delivery has eased the tension somewhat.
Father Christmas refused to comment on rumours the United States would also be put on the naughty list, only confirming that Turkey did not vote for Christmas.